Fiber Element: Birthwrong
by SuperUltraMegaMiko
Summary: Twins Kamui and Corrin are finally getting let out of the dungeon! After some asinine missions alongside their butler and maid, they decide to spread their love for communism in Hoshido...while being forced to fight a very triggered Xander on the opposing kingdom because plot. Honestly tho, these two don't even care about the plot, they just wanna have a threesome with the furry.
1. WE'RE FINALLY OUT SUCKERS

"Still asleep…you think after probably around 15 years of doing this at this point they'd get themselves up in fear of getting frostbite…"  
"Erm, Flora…I highly doubt you'd actually do that to our masters so there really is no fear…"  
"Let's just wake those slugabeds up!"

The two maids approach a short-haired female with a bandage on her nose, sleeping in an awkward skin-tight suit from Zebra's monthly, and a cape on for some reason. Their hands turn a frosty blue and snowflakes sprout out of their fingertips. They gently brush their fingers against her cheek, and she wakes up with a scream akin to doing the Ice Bucket Challenge 7 times in a row with no break. "I'M UP, I'M UP! PLEASE DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!"

Their butler, on the other hand, is forced to wake up the male on the other side of the room. He lacks the ice powers the maids have and doesn't have any hot tea on standby so what he chooses to do is somewhat reluctantly punch the white-haired male so hard in the arm that he falls off the bed.

"Ah, FUCK! Jakob, what the hell do you think you're doing? That hurt!" The white-haired male, a youth of around 18 years of age, stood up and assumed a mock boxing stance. "You got a beef with me? I'll fucking wreck you mate!". His butler merely sighed, shook his head and walked away.  
He turned towards his twin, who slept on the other bed. "Good morning, sister dearest," he said. "Why, how delightful a day this is. I wonder what we're doing today? Same shit as always? Feels like fucking Groundhog Day." The prince, known for his laziness as much as his foul mouth, promptly hopped back into bed where a frying pan greeted him, courtesy of who else but Jakob.  
"Sod off, you wanker." Corrin dusted himself off was greeted by a chuckle. Who else was there but Gunther? Corrin hated this guy for... some reason. He looked a bit creepy, probably a paedo or something.

"I'm sorry master, but if you don't complete this last round of training, I'm afraid you'll be stuck in this groundhog day loop for another year." Jakob replies with a seemingly innocent smile.

"Oh, really Jakob?" The female twin looks at her butler with a twinkle in her eyes. "Isn't that great news brother?" She happily laughs, then turning to the purple haired man approaching them. "Oh, what do you want you useless unit?"

Gunter sighs a little bit but keeps a straight face. "Your older brother has called for you…I think he wants to meet you on the roof? Perhaps this is the final trial. Fuck this up and you're stuck here for much longer than you want to be."

Corrin yawned but then sat up straight. "Marx is here? I get to fight him?"

Gunther sighed. "It's Xander, Corrin. He was Marx when he went through his communist phase, but he's over that now. It appears you are not." He sighed when he saw Corrin waving a red flag and whispering "Seize the means of production."

Corrin suddenly turned stone-faced. He stared at Jakob. "Jakob" he said.  
"Yes, milord?" Jakob replied.  
"Will Trotsy be there?"  
"I am reliably informed Leo has come to visit, yes." He was then knocked down by Corrin, who was sprinting upstairs.  
Gunther sighed. "That can't be normal. They're siblings for fuck's sake!"  
Jakob stared at him. "I've seen the shit you're into. You're in no right."

"I'M COMING ARTHUR!" Screams the female sibling, trampling Felicia and following her brother at almost full speed.

Flora sighs, looking at her now unconscious sister. "Why are they such fucking weeaboos?" She then looks up at Jakob. "And who was it that started the weeb phase? Was it Miss Kamui?"

"TROTSKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Corrin slammed into his younger brother, knocking him to the floor.

"Hey, Corrin." Leo picked himself up and brushed himself up, leaving his collar up. He did this because he was a kinky shit who was into pet play.

"Welcome, siblings." Xander was seated atop his horse, which Corrin had nicknamed Engels. Xander was not so keen. "Today you will fight me. If you win, I'll let you go and leave this shitty castle. If you lose, have fun finding any pussy Corrin!"  
"It's fine, I have who I want right here..." Corrin blew a kiss towards Leo, who shot him a glare. "Or, if I wanted something different..." Corrin strutted up to his sister and wrapped his arms around her. "She's my twin. I feel WHOLE with her."  
Kamui flushed red. Leo looked shocked. Xander threw up a little on the floor.

Jakob tutted. "Corrin, why are you such a fucking perv?"  
Corrin sighed. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT I WANT TO BANG MEMBERS OF MY OWN FAMILY, 'K!?"

"Yeah, Arthur! It runs in the family after all! Didn't you say you wanted to drown in big sister's boobs while she does nasty things to your asshole?" Kamui retaliates for her twin, causing Leo to get all flustered and annoyed.

"Well when you're done mentally fingering each other, how about you grab a sword and attempt to beat my ass?" Xander asks, coughing and trying his best not to throw up again.  
"Can you let them out even if they lose? I don't think being cooped up in a room together for this long has been good for them…they're still Commies." Jakob expresses his concerns.

Kamui then reaches down her piece of clothing and pulls out two rather long and thick sticks. How she stored them in her boobs for so long no one knows. She holds one out to her twin. "Let's do this."  
The two ran out to Xander, Kamui with the stick pointing forward and Corrin with his wood uproght. The author of this section would like you to know that innuendo was indeed purposeful.

Corrin pushes Xander off of Engels, and then the twins thwack him with the sticks. Before Xander could pull out Siefried it was over. "That's for imposing societal norms on me, Marx!" Xander lay collapsed on the floor, defeated.

Corrin and Kamui hi-five each other. Noticing Jakob staring, they kissed each other. Jakob turned green.  
Corrin walked back over towards the butler, who was now hurling off of the tower. He gave Leo a light thwack on his cute ass with the stick, causing the mage to give him another stare.

Xander stood back up, wheezing. "Fine, whatever, you little shits win. I can't wait to take you back to father, he'll probably want you two put down."  
The two twins ran back towards the stairs, Corrin stopping at the top.

"Marx?"  
"Yes, Corrin?"  
"How did you get your horse on top of the tower?"  
Xander hesitated. "Go fuck yourself, Corrin."

Kamui was first to get down the stairs, and she halts before the blue-haired girl that looks like a discount maid. Focusing on her other attire - a black cap with white text reading 420 Blaze-it in cursive, matching black pimp shades and on her apron is all just pin-on badges with either 1337 phrases or memes such as the Troll Face or the Fitness Gram Pacer test copypasta.

"Aw shit w0t up my skrubz." She greets Kamui.

"Hey Lillith!" Kamiu happily walks up to her but dare not touch her or she'd get 360 no-scoped.

"So tell me w0t happened m8." She asks.

Kamui prepares herself to talk but hears her brother come running down the stairs.

"And I'm telling you it makes no sense! Horses can't climb stairs! Did you like, teleport him in?" Corrin's voice was exasperated.

"Corrin?" Xander's patience had worn this a long time ago.  
"Yes?"  
"Take a wank. Seriously. Fuck off."  
"I'M NOT DROPPING THIS!"

At this point the Prince noticed Lilith standing there. He let out a sigh. "Hey, Lilith."

"Y0 wazzup ma G. Lissen, ma schizzle is tellin me I haf to go the long-haul with yo."  
"How joyful." Corrin sighed. "I changed my mind. Can I stay here?"  
"As much as that would personally delight me," Xander said "You bested me in combat. So we're off."

"As am I." said Leo. He cast a spell and stepped into the portal. "See ya!" There was a large thudding sound coming from next door. "SHIT! WRONG SPELL! LET ME OUTTA HERE!"

"Oh! I think I know that one! Shouldn't it go like: Santo rita meat mater ringo jonah tito marlin jack latoya janet michael dumbledora the explorer?" Kamui spouts. It sounds like complete fucking gibberish.

All that is heard in response is "SHUT UP YOU WEEB THAT'S NOT A SPELL!"

Everyone then turns back away from the source of the yelling. "Well, we have to go check back with father first, don't we?" Kamui brings up.  
"Correct. Felicia and I will be accompanying you both, Flora will have to stay here for plot reasons." Jakob says with a forced chuckle.  
"Oooooooooh, plot reasons. The best kind of reasons." Corrin chuckled. "Are we ready to go?"  
"Yes, milord." Gunther was already seated on his horse. The poor horse looked ready to collapse under his weight since he insisted on riding bareback (ehehehehehe).

"Wait, where's my horse?" Corrin noticed there we no horses left. "Don't make me fucking walk across this shitehole of a country."  
"No problem, milord." Felicia bent over and placed her hands on the floor. Corrin straddled her back. Jakob did the same for Kamui.  
"I could get used to this." Corrin said. "Can you neigh for me?"  
"Neigh." Felicia said, clearly not enjoying this as much as Corrin was.  
"Ooooooooh yesssssssssss..."

"D-does Milady wish for me to do the same?" Jakob asks, not very keen on the answer as shown in his reluctant and regretful tone of voice.  
"We aren't cutting corners here, we have unlimited budget to make you do anything, so neigh fucker." Kamui insists.  
With a heavy sigh, Jakob neighs and then shoots a cold glare at Felicia. "This is all your fault."

"K den m8s let's get roooiiiiiite into da plot shall we?" Lilith asks almost rhetorically, now putting on a fake gnome goatee and putting a dumb beanie over her hat, now looking ready to read up some twitter drama.

"Let's go then!" Kamui happily squeaks. "This plot can't wait!"


	2. Have some swords, now go stab shit

The twins get off their carers as they enter the castle, their sisters being there to greet them. "Big Brother, Big Sister!" The smaller blonde one happily cheers upon seeing them, running up to Kamui and giving her a hug around her thighs.  
"Ahhh, I've missed you two…" The older one with purple hair purrs, walking up to Corrin and hugging him in such a way that his face gets lodged in her boobs.

"I've missed you guys too!" Kamui keeps up the cheery atmosphere and to keep the conversation going."Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmffffffffffffffffffffffffff" Corrin said. "Gerrofmefortheloveoftheduskdragon aaaaaaaaaaa"

"I don't understand, my little polar bear" Camilla said. "Why don't you want to fuck me? I thought you liked incest."  
"I'm just not attracted to you, OK? Your boobs are too big. That's a turnoff. I'd drown in them. NO WOMAN SHOULD HAVE BOOBS THAT SIZE!"

"But my little bludger badger, I thought you were a perv."  
"I am! Just not to you!"

"I'll gladly fuck you!" Kamui happily chants. "I mean, we can't get enough incest around here am I right?" She adds, making sure to keep Elise's ears covered as they speak.

"Now's not the time to talk about proper reunion sex milord and miladies…you came here to speak to your father." Jakob hesitantly reminds them, just wanting to get to the plot again. But who really needs plot when you got memes? And this is Fates we're talking about…

"I mean twin, if you're there..." Corrin made a loop with his thumb and finger and began to put another finger in and out of it. Jacob puked again.

"SILENCE." A really huge guy with purple skin came out.

"Are you like, a monster?" Kamui had no idea who this was.  
"No, I am your Father." Garon said.  
"Oh, alright. Cool." Corrin was unamused. "Wanna play catch?"  
"SILENCE! I AM THE KING OF NOHR!"

"Look at me, I'm the King of Nohr! I'm so amazing I lock my kids in a tower for no reason whilst fucking everyone apart from my wife! And I look like someone's AU Human Bowser!"  
Kamui is quick to join in on their father mock, giving herself some silly hand crown. "I'm obviously the bad guy just because I look like a cliche anime bad guy! It's not like there could be a clever plot twist without the use of DLC or a limited edition, oh no!"

"CHILDREN I WILL FUCKING STAB YOU IF YOU DON'T CLOSE THOSE FACE HOLES OF YOURS!"

Kamui and Corrin are quick to pipe down and stop their mockery, because they don't want the spanks.

"Now…it's time to talk about war. You both know that we are fighting with the neighbouring Kingdom simply because some dragons didn't really like each other, right?" Garon asks them, hoping the twins don't reply with memes.  
"No, I wasn't. Because you locked us in that fucking tower, remember?"  
"LET IT GO! ALL I DID WAS RUIN YOUR CHILDHOOD! Anyway, I need you to execute some prisoners for me."

"No."  
"What?"  
"Go fuck yourself Dad"  
"If I give you both a cool sword will you at least beat them up a bit for me?"  
"YAY PRESENTS!"

Garon holds out two swords that totally don't look suspicious at all. "These swords are made with magic from another world. I call them Gan and Glari. They have the exact same use in case one of them fai- I mean so you're both equal."

"Thanks dad! These totally don't look like they'll be used for some bullshit plot point only a few chapters in!" Kamui happily accepts her gift.  
"Cheers dad" Corrin turns towards the prisoners. There's some muscly chick and-

"Helloooooooooooooooooooo sexy" Corrin begins to seductively walk towards Kaze. "Want to shuriken my ass?"  
"..." Kaze stared in silence.  
"What the fuck does that even mean?" Xander tutted.  
"Ehehehehehehe penis" Corrin was giggling uncontrollably now.  
"I have a feeling at least A supporting him is a good idea for later…" Kamui whispers into Corrin's ear, referring to the sexy Ninja.

The buff woman groans in annoyance. "Can we get this beat-down over with? I'm getting sick of their sex jokes already, and I am 101% sure I haven't even been here for even a slice of them."  
"Oh, right! Fighting!" Kamui takes the time to quickly fluff up her short and white hair and then begins tossing her blade about.

"The plot tells us we need to assist you." Jakob explains, running up to the twins with Felicia by his side.  
"I should probably help too, although I'll suck up all the experience quicker than Corrin would suck that green ninja's cock." Gunter butts in.

"Oi." Corrin was not amused. "Hey, look, it's a glowy thing."  
"Yes, milord. It's a Dragon Vein." Jakob looked confused that they didn't notice this in the last chapter.

"What kind of a fucking name is that? It's nothing like a vein. Do you even know what the fuck a vein is?  
"Should we call it 'Dragon Magic Tile' or some half-assed name like that?" Kamui asks.

"If that's what makes you two happier about it." Felicia chimes in, keeping a bright smile that has probably become a forced one over this ordeal.  
"So if I just sorta stand here," Kamui walks onto the glowed thing, crouches down and pulls up a few rectangular floating tiles. "Press this button with the green text," She presses her hand to the tile that says 'Dragon's Vein' and waits for a second. "Something should happen?"

Something indeed does happen. A surge of light comes from Kamui and said light turns into a missile-like object and smashes the pile of metal that was blocking off an area of healing tiles.

"Shit, now I can't move." Kamui comments, finding herself unable to move her feet for the moment. her colour has also become greyed out. "Are we seriously going to do it like this?"

lol no Kamui that would take to long

The servants beat up some enemies and shit. The authors don't care enough to describe it in full detail RN.

Corrin ran up to the fire woman. "Yo, er..."  
"Rinkah. Just fucking kill me already."  
"No, I'm letting you go. I'm showing Mercy."  
"Capital M?"  
"Yes." said Mercy from Overwatch who was there for the purposes of this gag. "Heroes never die!"  
"O...kay" said Rinkah. "Thanks." And she ran off.

"Now you..." said Corrin. "I'm gonna need a favour."  
"I'm Kaze. And I'm straight."  
"Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Fine, whatever, just fucking go."

"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU NOT KILL THEM!" Garon shouts.

"We did it because plot and in the actual game we're a whiny, gullible, annoying and in general very shitty lord." Kamui explains.

"Everything you do is because of the fucking plot. Hell, for Conquest you chose to come back because plot and fuck common sense." Garon groans, rolling his head around. "Alright, let's skip straight to the next cutscene so I'll say you two can redeem yourselves if you go out to the hoshidan boarder and attempt to claim a supposedly abandoned fort in the name of NOHR!"

"…K." Kamui agrees to the mission.

"Can I bring Trotsky?"

"NO! You've done enough yaoi shit for today!" Garon got pissed off. "Go before I change my mind."

"K."


	3. Hans does a thing ft Magic ball

The Team of Gay Twin, Other Twin, Maid, Butler, EXP Sponge and Mr. Plot Device #4 are not-so-happily walking along a path, with Gay Twin leading the pack.

"Oh look, it's a canyon that we have to point out for more plot later." Kamui points at the pit that is below the bridge they walk on.  
"It's supposedly bottomless…" Gunter comments. "It is said that anyone who falls down never return because they're too stupid to attempt magic or attempt to grab onto a climb back up the wall."

"Hey look, it's the fort" said Corrin. "There's lights on."  
"YAY KILLING TIME" said Hans, who we forgot to introduce in the last chapter.

"Hans no pls"  
"Yes pls" he said and killed a samurai.  
"FFS Hans" said Corrin.

"YOU ARE VIOLATING THE RESTRAINING ORDER!" Screams one of the Hoshidan soldiers. "ATTAAAAAACK!"

Then the next battle starts.

"Alright so we can either send in EXP sponge to rid of the guards along the path that takes the long route but once he's done with weakening them, we can go in and take the kill and then we level up like 5 times each before we have to take the fort." Kamui offers a battle strategy. "OR we can use Dragon Magic Tiles to make a short cut then chip away from the EXP bags from behind then trot our way back to the fortress to take it." She then shifts her head to her twin. "What do you think we should do, brother?"

"Er, sorry, what." Corrin was too busy staring at his twin sister's tits. Fucking animu. "Oh, er, the first one. It doesn't matter since he's about to die anyway."

"HAHAHA DIE, DIE, DIE!" Hans was running around like a maniac killing everyone. By the time they'd finished talking he'd cleared a path.

"Orrrrr we could follow him."

"How the fuck did that happen? Isn't he supposed to die after like his second confrontation?" Kamui stares at Hans with utter confusion.

"Wait for it…" Jakob mutters.  
"Three, two…" Felicia counts down.

Just then, Hans takes an arrow to the knee.  
"I USED TO BE A MURDERER LIKE YOU, NOW I HAVE TAKEN AN ARROW TO THE KNEE! TIME TO FALL BACK!"

"Lillith would be proud of him, having the courage to use a dead meme…" Kamui says, almost shedding a tear.

Corrin strolls over to the fort. "G'day mate, I'm seizing this."  
And like that he seized it.

"OK everyone, job fucked up, time to go home."

Just then arrived the reinforcements, led by a ninja girl with boobs that Corrin wanted to suck on like a baby, a ninja who was half-blind, and a furry.  
"Alright," said the furry, who looked very edgy with a scar n shit. "Open the fort. Stop having it be closed."

"SHIT! Too many! Gotta run!"

And so they ran.  
They ran so fast that they lost their babysitters, leaving just them, Gunter and Hans on the bridge.

"Hans why are you here?" Kamui asks.  
"I'm here to fill up my plot role. DIEEEE DIEIEIDIEIIEIEIDIEIDIIEIDIEIDIEIIDI"

Hans swings his axe and sends the old man off of the bridge and into the bottomless pit.

"…Um, kay then?"

Hans gives the two a confused look.  
"Kay? KAY?! I SENT YOUR-"  
"He's a shitty unit. Does it look like we care?" Kamui gives Hans a rather blank look.

Sunddenly there was a large growl. "AARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I'M DOING SOMETHING!" Corrin suddenly found himself metamorphasising into a dragon. Kamui did the same.  
"Holy shit." Corrin said. Then he looked down. "Oh my god... that's like 2 foot long..."  
"FOCUS BROTHER."  
"Too late bye." Hans hit them both with his axe and they fell off the canyon.

"O SHIT MA HOMEBOIS I'LL TAKE YA BAK 2 BASE!"

As the twins fall, Lillith dives in to save them bc it's not like we can kill off our heroes before the path split.

"Sup m8s grab my ball if u wanna live ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )"

"HOW DO YOU EVEN PRONOUNCE A LENNY FACE?" Lilith seemed undeterred by Corrin's question and they did some weird shit and landed in another dimension.


End file.
